I wish I could punch you in the face.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
