When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize