I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
