We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
