we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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