I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
