She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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