belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
