Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
