dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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