I wish I could teleport
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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