She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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