Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Randomize
