omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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