And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
