its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
