my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
