i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
