Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there's paper in my vomit.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
