Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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