So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
