There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
