please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize