i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
