If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
this hospital has no fireball
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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