Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think your dad took our porno
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
