A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
barbara walters just said penis...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
