put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
