The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
