I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
