quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
