idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
