I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
