I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i believe in u and ur pee
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
