I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
