i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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