Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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