Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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