just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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