I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
