good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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