She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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