Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize