I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
