I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
