According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
