so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
