we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize