Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
