She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
