Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
