If that was your dad, he is hot
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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