fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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