Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
