You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
