meet me or not, i'm out of control
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
