Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
