If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize