i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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