Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
