Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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