apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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