Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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