I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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