Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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