3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
