I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
