Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
