my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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