So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
