I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
