Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
