If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
