dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
