Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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