ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
