I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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