This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
