We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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