there's paper in my vomit.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
