He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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