mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
