i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
