If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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