hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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