I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize