wrigley field is MILF paradise
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
