so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
