just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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