I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize