help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
