Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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