you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
