Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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