you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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