I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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