YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
