dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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